Hot running water

Yeah, I know. There have been some great moments in the history of mankind. Moments which changed life for the better, and which created a benchmark. I never want to experience what life on Earth was like before the invention of the hot water heater.

Friday morning I dragged my carcass into the shower after being awakened by the sound of my oldest son showering upstairs. NO HOT WATER! What's this about? Who used all the hot water?

Stuck my head out of the bathrooom enough to holler at my son. "Did you have any hot water?"

"Well, uh, not exactly," says my brilliant college graduate. "I figured it had something to do with the rain."

I could not explain the concept of water heaters that early in the morning, without shampoo and coffee. (Two of mankind's other great achievements.) I normally don't speak to anyone before I read the newspaper, have a hot shower and shampoo, consume a pot of coffee, and work the NY Times crossword puzzle. This whole morning was out of alignment. It was 7:30 a.m., and the newspaper hadn't even arrived. I was getting irritable and unreasonable.

There is a splendid moment in the original movie of "The Producers" when Gene Wilder loses it completely and starts yelling, "I'm cold; I'm wet; I'm hysterical!" That is how my morning was going. I gave it a good try to light the pilot light. Flame on, Johnny! But, no. I just want to thank the gas company technician who got to my house so fast.

If you would like to contribute to the Fund for a National Water Heater Monument on the Mall in D.C., complete with the eternal clean blue flame of quality, please mail your checks to....

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