Cam Phone Spam Scram Gravy Ain't Wavy

Here in Plano voter interest in the municipal election is up one mild eyebrow twitch above the usual total apathy. We have a, gasp, openly gay candidate for city council. We have a $490 million school bond proposal when many families are cutting their driving and eating lots more beans.

Speaking of gas, the candidates have ALL figured out how to use automated annoying phone calls. I was home this afternoon because of school conference day, and the phone rang every five minutes with a robo-candidate urging me to vote.

Somehow, I got off the campaign track into a discussion about gravy. Growing up, it was a given that during any meal served with gravy someone would remark, "Scram gravy ain't wavy." What did it mean?

Googling "scram gravy" I learned that the expression probably derived from an old-timey newspaper comic about a fireman called "Smokey Stover". If you happen to remember anything from "Smokey Stover" about Molly freezing on the trolley*, PLEASE leave a comment! Dad and I have been as far up and down the sidewalk of Memory Lane as he can go pushing his walker, and I barely remember the comic in the Omaha Weird Herald.

As a kid in the Sixties, I believed that "scram gravy ain't wavy" was a jab at our neighbors who made lumpy gravy with flour and milk instead of using the inherently superior smooth cornstarch recipe seasoned with brown sauce. I have to laugh, but we kids must have had playground taunts like, "my mom's gravy is smoother than your mom's gravy!" It was an era of Meat and Potatoes.

Fritzi's Gravy

Yield: 2 cups


2 Tbsp fat drippings
2 cups hot water drained off the boiled potatoes you are going to mash
2 Tbsp Argo® Corn Starch
1/4 cup cold water
1 tsp Gravy Master or other brown sauce
Salt and pepper to taste

Remove all but 2 tablespoons fat drippings from roasting pan. Stir in hot water. Cook over medium heat, stirring to loosen browned bits. Remove from heat.


Put corn starch and water in a small jar with a tight lid, then shake until smooth; stir into pan. Add seasonings. Stirring constantly, bring to a boil over medium heat and boil 1 minute.

*Dad is probably thinking of Walt Kelly's Christmas classic:

Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
Walla Walla, Wash., and Kalamazoo!
Nora's freezin' on the trolley
Swaller dollar cauliflower Alleygaroo!
Don't we know archaic barrel
Lullaby Lilla Boy, Louisville Lou
Trolley Molly don't love Harold,
Boola Boola Pensacoola hullabaloo!


© 2008 Nancy L. Ruder

Caucus disgust #2

The precinct caucus leader received the official packet Tuesday evening, but the Wizard of Oz hadn't presented him with a brain. That might be why the precinct caucus sign-in was set up a small table up the steps to the stage in the elementary school cafetorium. Never mind the folks with walkers. This poor schmo had no tools at his disposal for organizing recording, and certifying over one hundred aggravated Democrats and cross-over Republicans for Hillary.

We had already been diverted through the playground mud around to the back door of the lunchroom. We'd milled about sorting ourselves into precinct 15 and 70 groups, then reluctantly sat ourselves down on the lunchroom benches and floor.

The Texas Democratic Two-Step primary process has been much in the news. The spotlight should remain aimed on it until public outcry forces a restructuring of the delegate apportionment process and a greater organizational transparency for the Texas Democrats, the party of diverse individuals.

© 2008 Nancy L. Ruder

Caucus disgust #1

When I am in charge of the world, you will have to vote in your own party's primary. I guess I'll let registered Independents choose which primary ballot to vote.

Every four years the governors of the fifty states, the territories, and the D of C will do one-potato-two-potato for the chance to draw a date out of a hat for that state's primary election. Caucuses will not be allowed. I believe I'll have the current president do the one-potatoing-two-potatoing, and I think it should be televised. It would be at least as exciting to watch as those professional sports drafts.

© 2008 Nancy L. Ruder

That little taste of home

Texas will never be Nebraska no matter how hard it tries. True, Texas doesn't seem to be working very diligently toward that esteemable goal. Texas wastes a heckuva lot of time in fruitless debates about funding public schools, and wastes a lot of energy on trying to win a site for the Dubya Presidential Liebury of Nucular Fiction. I believe all this waste stems from a lack of time spent trying not to freeze one's petootie onto metal playground equipment during the winters of one's formative years. Freezing your petootie onto the jungle gym and wiping your snivelling nose with your ice-encrusted mitten have a way of shaping your resolve, clarifying your values, and focusing your efforts to achieve your goals.

Texas just plain needs more Culver's restaurants. We made a special trip to McKinney yesterday to enjoy a lunch at that rare Texas Culver's. We also checked out the experimental "green" environment-friendly WalMart with its xeriscape and wind turbine. A WalMart is still a WalMart, but a Culver's is a cut above!

Guts & Gory

"Finally a Democrat with

Guts,"

reads the pea-soup green Chris Bell for Governor pamphlet on the kitchen table. Every time I see it, I turn into a sixth grader. Not a sixth grader of today, with a vocabulary that would make a sailor blush, though. A sixth grader of 1966, for whom "guts" was a bad word*. That was why it was such a bold, subversive, summer camp thing to sing about "greasy, grimy gopher guts." That's why I can never forget the horrible moment when I accidentally slammed my friend's finger in the door. As she looked at the big cut across the joint of her finger, she pronounced the immortal words, "I can see my guts!"

Those probably aren't the same guts that Democrat Chris Bell has, but I appreciate his courage bringing ethic charges against Tom "The Hammer" DeLay, and now running against greasy, grimy Governor Good-Hair Perry. Bell's "Don't Mess With Ethics" reform plan has some fitting words for this flashback--Slam shut the lobbyists' revolving door! With each day's news we see more of the sickening innards of the Bush/DeLay/Perry Texas Gang of politicos, and realize just how long the disruptive effects of their power will linger.

There are as many versions of the camp song as there are kids' summer camps. Ours went:

I've got lots of greasy, grimy gopher guts
mutilated monkey meat
itty bitty birdie feet
one whole pound of all-purpose porpoise pus
floating in pink lemonade.

*In 1966, in Lincoln, Nebraska, it was still a poor choice to voice the observation that "somebody tooted." Now kids grow up with Walter the Farting Dog picture books for preschoolers. As the Publishers Weekly review quoted on Amazon notes, "Yes, this lowbrow endeavor could be a crowd-pleaser but, like its topic, its disruptive effects will tend to linger. Ages 4-8"

Election day at last

To coincide with the California recall, this was the beginning of the biennial Jelly Popularity Poll. Since kids age 3-8 influence the spending of billions of grocery dollars, the results should not be taken lightly. Students can vote No to jelly, or vote Yes for their favorite flavor. They may not vote for jello, non-fruit condiments, bodily fluids, or health/beauty products. If they vote for a flavor with a format choice, they may then choose between squeeze-bottle jelly, or traditional knife/jar jelly. The Supreme Court has ruled that the jelly election must include jams, preserves, chutneys, and marmalade options. Also, the Green Party has won two spots on the ballot with mint and jalapeno for the first time.

It could take up to two weeks for Al Franken and Mr. Peanut to certify the results. In the meantime, I will be reading "Bread and Jam for Frances" sixteen times, doing the voices for Father, Mother, Frances, Baby Gloria, and Albert.

Approximately 250 voters are registered, but it is unclear if this is a hot-button, get-out-the-vote issue. Some registered voters will be too busy playing with the new drinking fountain, or squirting all the liquid soap out of the restroom dispenser to state their choice. Fox News has dismissed the lead-up campaign as "just more fruits engaged in slimy behavior". The mainstream media has drowned the public in Lunchables coverage leaving it incapable of making its own sandwich, let alone its own mind.

I'll be mixing up many, many jars of liquid watercolors with glitter tempera and/or Elmers glue so we can paint with "jelly". We will squash down many pieces of irridescent, pink, and red cellophane on to the paint for "glass jars".

Do you feel under-represented in this fun? This is Texas, of course, and we can probably redraw your district. Jif and Wonderbread are calling your name...

If you would like to make the Jelly Poll a national plebiscite, or just need a Smuckerpaint recipe, please email a million dollars to nlrudr@peoplePC.com.

Oh, and it isn't really a good idea to pretend that colored chalk is eye shadow.

Current Mood: currant