This week I unjammed my document shredder with those needle-nose pliers. Pretty pleased with myself. True, if I didn't feed peculiar materials for worm compost bedding and/or mixed media collages into the machine it would work better. Then the diamond-cut shredder at work jammed, and I applied my new expertise and a liberal dose of shredder lubricant to the task.
I don't have a team of rivals or the art of power. Young kids have many over-achieving role models, with or without steroids. The first time a child gets a happy face sticker for folding his/her nap blanket, we are pondering future greatness. Never mind that blanket folding has not been accompanied by a reduced amount of digital nasal exploration, or a remembrance of things to be flushed, but I digress.
In Mrs. Ahlschwede's third grade class we read the Bobbs Merrill "Childhoods of Famous Americans" formulaic biographies. Then we recorded the titles on lined 3x5 notecards in our very best new cursive handwriting. Abigail Adams and Jane Addams were dull, depressing books, but I kept working my way through the alphabet picking up reading speed and comprehension. When I was plucking books off the shelf it seemed that every female was either rolling hoops down cobble streets or wearing hoop skirts. I couldn't even hula hoop.
Fast forward to Bernie Madoff : Young Ponzi Schemer. I'm evaluating subtitles for my new series of deadly dull early reader chapter biographies.
- : Crockpot Girl of Old Nebraska
- : Finder of Lost Fisher Price Chickens
- : Hot Glue Sharpshooter
- : Sight of Blood Fainter
- : Young Letter Writer
- : Future Blogger
- : Chex Mix Maven
I've never tried to insert an Excel document into a blog before. These are the 180 titles I've compiled so far for the Bobbs Merrill series, Childhoods of Famous Americans. Perhaps it will save some other obsessed person a long search. Or it will suggest a new subtitle.