Annoyed that circumstantial evidence placed slugs and snails on/about devastated dill, rosemary, and lettuce plant crime scenes, I developed an anti-gastropod policy. Emulating the little Guard Duck character in the comic, "Pearls Before Swine," I wanted to launch an all-out assault.
I started small. Gardening friends all recommended beer traps to lure slugs. Last weekend I set an assortment of jar lids and plastic bottle caps around my patio container garden and gave each a drizzle of stale Busch beer. Nothing happened. Okay. One elderly slug stumbled over the lip of a yogurt lid and died of dehydration.
Alas, two more nasturtiums and another marigold were nibbled to the quick. Little Guard Duck's evaluation of my efforts:
- Too small.
- Too unplanned.
- Too low-tech.
After laying low for a few days, I sent out an Evite to the slug and snail Facebook members. These are hip, techno-savvy slugs, but they appreciate esoteric retro connections. Party highlights:
- Projected the 1978 "Animal House" movie on the condo wall.
- Snails and slugs crowded in for a better view and unlimited brewskis.
- Some chanted, "Toga! Toga!"
- Others stayed late for the second feature to see Kathy Bates in the "About Schmidt" hot tub.
- Added tiki torches, Doritos, and a vintage Twister game.
Now I wonder if gastropods are our friends. Did the attendees of the beer party leave my patio ecosystem poorer?
© 2010 Nancy L. Ruder