Too-dee-Tah printer

My printer has a hard life. I want it to print on strange types of paper and do other collaging tricks I can't devulge here. Years ago an elderly salesman at Comp USA explained to me that I could buy a two-year replacement warranty on my $75 printer for $25. Then at any point in the two years I could return the printer to the store even if it was working just fine and receive a brand new equivalent printer as a replacement. Then I could buy a new $25 replacement warranty and begin the cycle again.

This has worked wonderfully. About every two years I get a new printer for the price of a new warranty. Just unplug the printer (and leave the printer cable at home), drive over to the store, bring home the new baby. Takes half an hour. I'm on my fourth Epson printer, but it's two-year replacement warranty is due to expire soon. It still prints, but it has started singing the preschool Too-dee-Tah song.

Too-dee-Tah or Tooty Ta is more of a repeated chant with body actions than a song. It's got a rhythm that seeps into your brain like a tapeworm. Hours after I get home from work I realize my brain is still playing a continuous loop recording of 2D-TAH. Worse, my printer has started playing the same song.

The chant reads like a college art major's schedule:


Art Two Dimensional Design, Tuesday Art History...

After that it gets weirder, like the first time the college students have a nude model in drawing class:

Thumbs up . . .Elbows back . . . Feet apart . . . Knees together . . . Bottoms up . . . Tongue out . . . Eyes shut . . . Turn around . . .

True, this is a body action imitation activity for preschoolers that is probably beneficial and age-appropriate except for the tapeworm mental damage to teachers. It's not a song I want my printer to chant:

A 2D Tah, a 2D Tah, a 2D Tah-Tah, ka-chunk
A 2D Tah, a 2D Tah, a 2D Tah-Tah, ka-chunk
A 2D Tah, a 2D Tah, a 2D Tah-Tah, ka-chunk
A 2D Tah, a 2D Tah, a 2D Tah-Tah, ka-chunk...

I trucked on over to Comp USA, and carried in the 2D-Tah Epson printer. The young man in the red shirt said they don't handle replacement warranties at the store anymore. He said I would have to ship my printer somewhere and wait to receive the shipment of a replacement. This did not make me happy. He insisted I never ever ever could have replaced my printer at the store, and I said you could, too, because I've done it three times before. He said basically, "G'won home now, lady, and call this toll free #. "

So I came on home fuming, of course, with my attitude aggravated by the mental tapeworm. Found my booklet that went with the replacement exchange program. Located the significant instruction; "You must carry the printer into a Comp USA store." Spent half an hour on the phone with some tech service gal. She eventually found a supervisor who had been with Comp USA more than six months and knew that, in fact, you did used to have to carry the printer into the store where it would be replaced instantly and with a smile. But, of course, they don't do that anymore.

So now Comp USA will "process my request" for another four days, and then ship my new printer. Then I'll have to ship the old one to them. In the meantime, I'm stuck printing with Ar-too D2 tooty-tah-tah. Haven't decided whether to buy another replacement warranty.

© 2007 Nancy L. Ruder

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