Just when I thought "cosmellision" was the latest word, I'm informed that malls will soon have "cosmedical centers" where shoppers can bop on in for a $400 Botox treatment along with a three-pack of Fruit-of-the-Looms and a lucky bamboo plant.
The "light medical" plastic surgery procedures are probably not for people who buy Lite Beer from Miller. In my demographic "Klinger" is a corporal at the MASH 4077th, not the sixty-year-old Georgette Klinger spa-chain. My mall is the excellent dork-walking facility, Collin Creek Mall. If anyone invents a beauty treatment based on trekking across melted asphalt to doors marked by the squirrel & acorn symbol, I'll be looking mighty fine!
I just love this quote from Maria Halkias' story in today's Dallas Morning News:
People pay $500 for a jar of something with no science behind it...We're going to raise the beauty bar.
Can't you just see it? The cowboys from the Beauty Bar Ranch walk into the Klinger Saloon in the post-ghost town of Mall Gulch. When they put their elbows on the bar the balding bartender wipes his hands on his apron and asks, "What'll it be? Sasparilla? Two percent fortified milk? Liquid Plumber? Pepto-Bismol?" No way! The cowboys want to pay $500 for a jar of something with no science behind it!