Amidst the immigration debate we have brushed aside another critical language issue for our public schools. There are many theories about how to best teach English as a second language, and how to conduct bilingual education. Fluency is important, but perhaps nowhere more important for our current culture than in the realm of Litigation as a Second Language.
In a country where a ridiculous percent of college-educated adults can't accurately read a simple sentence or road sign for content, we are being swept up in the Litigation Invasion. I was not born in a state where the primary language was litiginous legalese. I get a headache when I have to read the fine print on pizza delivery coupons. I will never be able to pass as a native speaker.
Arriving home this evening I found three official-looking documents in my mail. I opened them with fear and trepidation thinking I was being sued or investigated. To the best of my ability to read these documents, I am part of a class action lawsuit settlement I didn't know anything about. There's a possibility that my Epson inkjet printer cartridges have been professing emptiness prematurely. I stand to be rolling in dough soon.
Speaking, in fractured English of course, of dough, maybe I should double-check the expiration dates on the pizza coupons. Should I get the buffalo wings?
Paranoia strikes deep
Into your life it will creep
It starts when you're always afraid
You step out of line, the man come and take you away
We better stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
For What It's Worth