I had to retire my Perfect Purse today. It could no longer fulfill its duties, and the runner-up will have to assume the tiara and somehow get us through the year. Bert Parks was weeping.

The runner-up purse isn't all that bad. It's the same brown as my sandals. It has all sorts of compartments and an adjustable shoulder strap. The lining is still intact. The only bad thing I can remember about this purse was I could never hear when my cell phone rang. Since that happens maybe once a month, it might not be a really big deal.

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