Arctic Anger Management

Welcome to IFU, the web's first online degree program to be endorsed by Jack London himself. Ice Floe University offers a multi-disciplinary, climate-based approach to anger management studies. Creative visualization is the guiding educational philosophy for the program. Situate yourself on comfy pillows, set your mental thermostat at 24 degrees, close your eyes, and imagine yourself as a walrus on the arctic ice. You are massive, intolerant, whiskered, and equipped with large, powerful flippers. Little seals bugging you with their yipping? Backhand them across the ice and into the frigid waters off the Ross Ice Shelf. Penguins wanting money to go to the mall? Flah-whoup them into the water. Lemmings? Just glare at them and twitch a whisker.

You, too, can achieve better office productivity without frostbite by following this simple study program. The IFU program requires no swimming or body-fat measurements. Every diploma comes with a coupon for a blue Slurpee. Operators are standing by now.......

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